i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
