I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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