Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
