I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize