no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
