I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how drunk are you?
Several
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
