New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
