Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
