I should be sponsored by Trojan
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
