She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i have herpe
just one?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
