I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize