garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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