I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
