Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
