I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
