last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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