Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize