The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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