I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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