Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
