he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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