thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
