sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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