I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You can't motorboat a personality
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found the puke drawer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
