It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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