All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
