He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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