I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
