If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
