How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
