i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize