Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
