Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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