He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
