i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
