Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
