New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
