I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
