He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
