We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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