What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
