How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize