my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
worst night to have a conscience
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
