But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
