Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
