I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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