Life is so much better after having sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
