On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
