did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize