I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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