Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
