I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize