Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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