Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
