whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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