I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
