i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
