About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
