Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
