how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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