Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
