If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
