I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
