There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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