great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize