Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
